Why is my life so fucking funny? Such a joke.
Lets be reals. Seventy five percent of the population are stupid-heads. And that's being liberal. If you don't know what a stupid-head is, it can either be two things. One: a person who is stupid and has a head. Two: a person who is so full of dumb, that in place of their head is Stupid. I just made that shit a noun.
These stupid-heads like to conglomerate and meet up at once place. And of course it's on the internet. No no no, it's not Myspace, Facebook, or Livejournal. It's this website
That's the cause of all my stupid right now. If you are one of these stupid-heads that are contacting me through craigslist, there is only one thing you'll get from me:
Let's make sense of this. I placed an ad (the first mistake) on Craigslist for someone to take over my lease, so I can peace out of this town. The first guy that contacted me, promptly decided to come knocking on my door without letting me know. He was fifty-nine and he asked me if the house was still available for $275 a month. I had to let him know it's a room in a house, not a house, but a room in one. 275 for a house? This ain't Monopoly.
I took the address out of the ad after that. Weeks and potential subleasers later, a guy calls me up.
"Hi, I was calling about the ad you put up on craigslist for a house in Lansing. Is it still available?""Yes, it's still available. Do you want to come see it?"
"I had a couple of questions first. What's the area like surrounding it and are there nearby grocery stores?""It's actually a really nice neighborhood. Like, I've never had a problem living here and it's right off the main road Martin Luther King. And there's a bunch of restuarants and stuff like that on it."
"Okay. I was just asking because I know a lot of the neighborhoods in Flint where I'm from, the streets around Martin Luther King are very black infested and... aren't good
And the next thing that motherfucker heard was a dial tone.
His exact words, black infested. Like we're some kind of disgusting parasitic insect to him. Black people aren't good
. Where's Kanye West and his ego when you need it? So I promptly gave that fool a dial tone. Because what do stupid-heads get from me?
But the fat lady hasn't sung. My phone rings again and it's his number. I hit the button on the side of my phone to silence him. He calls two more times and then on the final call, he leave a voicemail. As soon as my phone beeps, I check it.
"Hey, I don't know what happened, I think there was a bad connection. But I'm still really interested in the house. And you can give me a call back at this number..."
At first I think about calling him back to let him know that the connection was fine and I hung up on him. But, I thought of something better.
"Hello?""Yeah, I get pretty bad reception. You wouldn't want to live here. A couple years ago, this black guy broke into our house and stole my roommate's jewlrey. And her baby. Then he sold the baby to Angelina Jolie."